Kids in Africa: Your Questions Answered!

I have had this question so much that I have decided to blog about it. Everyone wants to know where we stand on the issue of bringing kids after bringing our 4 and 6 year old little ones to Rwanda and Ethiopia. The above photo was taken on our first day in Rwanda...moments after we met Malaika for the first time. Here are my thoughts and answers to the most common questions that people ask:

While we were there, did we ever regret bringing our kids along? Are we glad we brought them? If we were to do it all over, would we bring them again? Did we ever feel in danger there? What extra things did we bring? What about shots and medications?

Before I answer, let me tell you a little bit about my kids. My 4 year old daughter is very mature for her age. People are usually pretty surprised when they find out she is 4. She's smart and well mannered. My son is 6 and is also a good kid. He is not a boy who likes to be overly rowdy. In my opinion, they are both fairly patient (considering their ages). They do get moody when they are tired or hungry, which does happen in Africa at times. I would say that they are both pretty laid back...but they are kids, nonetheless. So the answers to the questions...

Are we glad we brought them? Absolutely. It was a family experience. They know every detail of the adoption. They understand where Malaika is from and what Rwanda is like. They know the orphanage. They met her caregivers. They have an appreciation for the amazing things that had to take place for God to bring Malaika and our family together. We were in Africa for almost 3 weeks...although this is definitely not the norm, it certainly wasn't what we had planned either! I am glad we didn't have to spend those weeks without our other two kids. So then...glad? Yes!!!

Did we ever regret bringing the kids along? Yes indeed! There was a time that I said, "Why did we bring them here? We made the wrong choice." This was our first night in Rwanda. We had lost all 8 of our bags (which we got back the following day, praise God!), we were sleep deprived, and we were experiencing a bit of culture shock. After we got our bags back, I never thought that again. I was glad they came with us.

Would we do it again? Absolutely. We would. As I said before, what they learned and the bond that they developed with their baby sister is something that could never be duplicated for our kids.

Did we ever feel in danger while in Rwanda? Not in the least. I would move there in a heartbeat if I had the chance. I didn't ever feel in danger. (Ethiopia was a different experience. Security alerts were making us a little nervous while we stayed there.)

What about shots/medications? If you choose to take your children, I recommend seeing a travel doctor. If you have a local children's hospital, they probably have one that specializes in pediatric travel. This is what we did. Our kids got many shots, as did we. We all took anti-malarials daily with no adverse affects. The children didn't get any illness or disease while we were in Africa.

Extras to bring on your trip? Bring familiar things. I brought peanut butter and jelly, fruit snacks, granola bars, fruit strips, trail mix, etc. A few times in Ethiopia we ordered bread and 7 Up to the room and they had peanut butter and jelly for lunch. They loved it. Also, a first aid kit, bug spray, and kid medicines. We brought unconstituted antibiotics for everyone. A portable DVD player for the airplane/hotel room is handy. Each kid had a backpack with video games, coloring books, activities, etc. I brought other stuff in the suitcase to switch it up a little each day. We took these everywhere we went. Africa involves lots and lots of waiting. (That is actually a major understatement!!)

Some things to consider: Are your children good at waiting? Are they obedient? How do they react when they are tired? How do they react when they are in a new environment? Please understand, I do NOT believe that taking the kids along is for every family. It was right for our family, but every family is different and so is every child.

When we began our adoption, we did not plan on taking the kids. It wasn't even something we were considering. There came a point in the adoption where we clearly felt God steering us in the direction of bringing them. It became more and more clear to us that we were supposed to do that. We prayed a lot about this. When our friends returned home after adopting from Rwanda, they advised us that they didn't feel that their trip would have been a great one had they brought their kids along (their trip was very fast, only 8 days). We totally reconsidered and almost changed our minds completely. After more prayer, however, we felt sure that God was leading us to take them. We decided to follow His lead and obey. We are glad we did. My point is, I believe wholeheartedly that God will lead you in the direction that you should go with this decision. It is huge. It will affect your children's entire lives. Do not try to make it on your own. God knows what is best.

Happy Birthday Malaika!

Today is an emotional day! We are so excited that we get to share this special day with Malaika. It's a day of reflection...looking back over the past 12 months of Malaika's life and our lives as well. The time she spent at the orphanage, the time she was with Nyanja and her mother on outings, the time she was with us in Rwanda and Ethiopia, and now the time she is with us here at home. We are also remembering her precious birthmother today, and I'm quite sure she is remembering Malaika also. It's hard to explain, but I have a deep love in my heart for her and gratefulness for what she did for Malaika. My heart aches for her, thinking of the needs she must have which cause her to be unable to care for her baby girl. And thinking of the loss that she has suffered and the risk that she took to give Malaika a chance to survive, I can have nothing but respect and love for her. At the same time, I feel so unworthy to have been chosen as Malaika's mother. I think about that a lot. I wonder why God chose me to be the mother of such a precious, perfect little girl. I can only thank Him and praise Him and pray that I will raise her to be the woman He wants her to be, and that she will accomplish whatever plans He has for her.

So thank you, God! And happy birthday, sweet Malaika!!!

Our First Family Pictures!

My 3 babies!

Malaika means "Angel".

Big brother holding his two little sisters.

Update

Well sadly it seems that I will not be able to post my other journal entries. I believe they are lost in the abyss of computer land somewhere and cannot be retrieved. We have tried. I have enjoyed keeping this blog and I will update everyone on Malaika and our family periodically. Right now everyone is doing great and Malaika has bonded completely with our family. She is the perfect addition. God is good!

Emotions: You Can't Save The World

You can't save the world. These are the words that my mom spoke to me the other day as I was telling her about the feelings I have been having. I think when you are in a place like Africa for almost three weeks, and you come to love it so much, your mindset changes. When you come home, you see things differently. I have so many emotions (sadness, anger, guilt...) that have been brought on by seeing the things that we saw. (Of course we have lots of happier emotions too but right now I'm specifically addressing these other emotions.)

Anger: I should not feel angry at people here because they have not seen what I have seen. They have not experienced what we've experienced. Sometimes I do get angry though. When I hear someone stressing out because they don't know which latte to order, sometimes I just want to say, "Who cares!? Don't you know that you are lucky you even have a choice!?" We sometimes complain about things and question God about our circumstances and all the while, someone on the other side of the world with a tiny fraction of what we have is content and thankful that they are alive for yet another day.

Guilt: And then there is guilt...it is just something I am trying to deal with. It comes from different sources...regrets over people we didn't help when we were there or guilt about some of the things we have here. I look down at my wedding ring sometimes and I think to myself, "I could have done more with that money than buy a ring."

Sadness: Sadness is sometimes the most difficult. I think of the babies and kids at Home of Hope and on the street. I think of the people that we saw begging. I want to do something right away. Then I realize I can't possibly. I am here...on the other side of the world. And even if I were there, where would I even begin? My mom is right, I can't save the world.

Why do I feel this way? I have come to the conclusion that these emotions are God's way of showing me many things. I love that through our experiences, we have felt compassion that we have never known we could feel. We have felt love for strangers. We have felt so blessed by God. I am realizing that I should not feel guilty for living in the only place I have ever known. The place God put me. I am meant to be here for a reason. Maybe to open the eyes of others who are just like I once was, having never seen how people on the other side of the world live, and not realizing how incredibly blessed each person in this country is to be here. So no, I definitely cannot save the world...but the cool thing is that I know I have a purpose, and I can fufill my purpose here.

Rwanda Pictures!

Sorry I have neglected this blog lately! We are working on more paperwork. It's like the pre-adoption phase all over again! We have social security and immigration and tax stuff...ack! Anyway, I still have some journals to add and I promise I will do that but here are some pictures to hold you over until I find the time! :D

I was trying to remember where this one was taken (anyone know?). I am thinking that this was the main roundabout, but that may not be right. I forget! (As many times as we drove around it, you'd think I would remember!)

This is the the orphanage entrance. It is basically a long hallway with rooms on both sides. That is the baby nursery door there on the left.

This is Malaika's bed. It's very difficult for me to look this picture without getting emotional.

R looking out into the courtyard at the hotel. That is a construction fence in the back...there is a pool behind it, but it was being renovated.

Here is the hill on which you will find the blue gate. Notice on all of these pictures how clean the streets are in Rwanda! So much cleaner than the U.S...at least where I live!

This is rush hour in Kigali and it's pretty crazy. The green helmets are motorcycle taxis. Do not ride one. You will probably die. (I'm sure my friend is Rwanda is laughing right now!)

Church in Rwanda.

People are always out walking, talking, congregating...this is something I LOVE about Rwanda!

Two of my favorite pictures from Rwanda! Smiling waving kiddos in my friend's neighborhood!

The infamous blue gate leading to Home of Hope.

A little candy store on the way to the orphanage.

I have many more pictures to add later. I will as soon as I can find time!

Life After Adoption

I don't think that in my entire life, I have ever felt love like we have felt, seen, and been surrounded by this week after bringing Malaika home. It has been so amazing. There is just no doubt that we have the best friends and family anyone could ask for.

Malaika is a dream come true. Perfect baby, sleeps all night, loves her bottle, all smiles. I now have four loves of my life. I know this will sound silly, but sometimes I think of all of the great and wonderful people in the world and I wonder why God would bless us so abundantly. I guess that's the best part about the love of God...we didn't do anything to earn it, but nevertheless it's there for us all. This past week has held so much love and so many blessings, I feel like I could be content for the rest of my life. I couldn't ask for more.

We are entering a new phase of our lives now. I knew from the start of our adoption that Malaika was not the only purpose for our experiences. I know that God has other goals and I am praying that He will make these clear to us as we are moving forward with "life after adoption". The initial elation of finally having Malaika home is unfortunately dampened with a sense of loss in the back of my mind for some reason. I keep thinking about the ones left behind. I looked into their eyes. They are not just babies...each one is a whole entire life. I keep asking myself, "What can we do?" This is one question I just don't have an answer to right now. Crying about it won't help...I already tried that. Maybe after the jet lag wears off, I will have more ideas about where to go from here. In the meantime, I am working on getting journals and pictures transferred over to the computer. Oh, and tomorrow is back to work for me. Hopefully a good semester is ahead.